An Undeliverable Letter

---Sorry,I can't write in Chinese by using the computer in my University in UK, so I have to convey my feeling in English. Hope you who is reading this letter can understand the words I wanna say between the lines and behind the article.

Ar Biao:

Chinese New Year is coming in next 3 days. I guess there must be filled with the happy and joyous atmosphere everywhere in China! On the eve of New Year, will you be at home having a family union with your friends and relatives? or will you be unfortunately leading the tour package outside home? No matter by which way you are going to celebrate the New Year, I sincerely wish you be joyful, smooth and peaceful. There must be many new plans and fresh starts in the coming year, no matter what you plan to do next, I'll always pary for you and wish lucky can be with you all the time.

Although we're sepearted being so far away which seems like being the opposite poles on the earth, you'll find your "marks" are in any corner of my room even at the first sight when you come into my house: I stealthily brought all of your photoes with me to England and pasted them on the wal in front of my writing desk. By this way, whenever I feel tired, I'll see you at once as I close books and lift my head from the book. Seeing your photoes always can bring me so much warmth and calmness. All of the pressures associated with my busy study will suddenly disappear as I see your bright and sunshine-like smile; I sticked all your letters to me and all the articles I wrote about you on another wall. By this way, everytime when I encounter difficuclties and obstructions, it will remind and courage me to be braver and stronger by reading those most truely literatural expression and the emotion reveal; I downloaded from the Internet some sightseeing photoes of Zhuhai City by all the means during the interval time when I prepared my assignments and essays in the computer room and then I printed them out and sticked them on the wall beside my bed. When I saw those pictures, it seems like I'm about to buy the air-ticket, pick up my luggage and fly to Zhuhai at any time; It makes me feel that I'm not so far away from you as well. Will you realize and feel all my frame of mind?

I thought the heavy load of study which depressing me out of breath and the busy life which giving no place to rest can help me with forgetting about you. No, how could it be possible to forget you whom I deeply love? Exactly speaking, I should say I only wish it could help me being less loving you, less missing you and less taking you to my heart everyday. But I couldn't make it anyway. I did make great effort to try to give up my love to you, but this time the God doesn't give me a hand. I still can't run away from the miss and concern about you even though there seperated thousands of miles between us; the star sky at the night in UK is incredible beautiful. Every night when I walk on the way to home from teh computer room, I would always raise head to see those starts which really so much look like diamonds. How I wish every star could bring my miss to you, how I wish I could have enough couragement to tell you through the telephone under such a pretty star sky that "I Miss You".

Being perversed to my emotion to you means that I'm increasing hurting myself day after day. But if let me abandon all those precious feelings, it not only couldn't be possible, but also means the betray to myself as well. Being trapped into this contradictory situation, where is the way out?

I can't remember how many times I picked up the phone but just put it down in such a struggling mood. I don't wanna disturb you. What's more, I don't wanna expose my weakness to you without any remaining. You hope me to live with happyness, isn't it? You hope me to give up loving you, isn't it? Then how can I go on pretending to be unconcerned about you as before? All I feal is that all my efforts and pretendings will collapse in such a crushing defeat at the first second when I heard your voice; All I fear is to let you find that I'm still be deeply loving you as before.

There's such a deep miss hidden under the sky in UK. No matter how beautiful the scene is, it can't cover my deep sentiment and sorrow. Who can tell me where the road loving you will extend to?